Teaching Self Esteem
Many parents and teachers have asked me how martial arts principles teach or improve self-esteem. I had to sit back and think how training in martial arts first affected changes in my own confidence and self worth
When speaking to groups I often tell of the story when I was beat up by a neighborhood bully. My self-esteem was buried so deep I needed a back-hoe to dig it up. A very significant moment of reflection for me was just after returning from a goodwill trip to Moscow where trained with European martial artists. On my return back to my school, I was telling students of how well received I was and that I was picked to do three out of four featured demonstrations at our closing ceremonies at the Olympic sports complex, in front of over five thousand people. At the time of the show I was tickled that out of dozens of other performers I was handpicked for the closing ceremony.
When I had finished telling the story on my return, someone asked, “Weren’t you the least bit nervous? “How did you have the courage and confidence in that large a group and in a different country”?
Had I changed so much? The answer was yes, over time I had. I really had to take a look at my experiences over the years and dissect my change into two different parts. I had always been very shy and lacked courage in many social situations. When practicing martial arts I always felt I needed to practice twice as much as the other students to be as good as them. I was always kind of husky and never very strong, so even at the beginning I was behind in the training (comparing myself to the other students). I did have a strong desire to change and I believe this was my primary difference. I got discouraged, frustrated and disappointed but occasionally my instructor would offer encouragement when the training was getting challenging. These small words that came from him (an external source) meant a lot to me and would keep me going.
It began a cycle. A little encouragement and positive feedback (from a person who’s input I valued and respected) helped me to focus internally on improving. As I improved physically I began to improve mentally as well. As I improved in my class performance my confidence grew too. These external and internal stimuli continuously enhanced each other.
My instructor had a funny saying that I still use. At the time it seemed a little harsh but reminded us that only our best was expected. He would say, “you don’t have to like it, you just have to do it”! I say the same to my students now half joking and half serious. I want them to learn to overcome any obstacle no matter what the size and to gain the self-confidence in just knowing ” I can do it, an obstacle no matter how big or small is just a small detour, not a roadblock and that by beating it, it didn’t beat me. Any accomplishment no matter the size is an accomplishment just the same.” Accomplishment provides people with renewed and increased self-confidence. This progress has to be in small and manageable pieces.
With improved self-esteem the mind is working in the right direction. Everyone must have a mentors and role models in life. A quote from Mark Victor Hansen, “Whatever you want, wants you even more than you want it”. On the other side, as a mentor, coach or teacher it doesn’t matter how much you know, just how much you care.